“Do you still have feelings for her?” his betrayed wife asked. Uh-oh, how do I answer? I’ve committed to be honest while we reconcile, but it can’t help to confess to my wife that I miss my affair partner! Won’t that hurt more?
Many of my clients face this challenge successfully. I believe being transparent and honest is an important part of healing. Honesty helps us answer two important questions; why the affair happened, and, how can we prevent an affair from happening again?
It’s tempting to label the cheating spouse as “bad” and the betrayed spouse as “innocent” – but these labels miss the point.
The cheating spouse is responsible for the betrayal. Whatever >>READ MOREread more
My wife has a bunch of family and friends that encourage her to go through with the divorce. Even her shrink tells her to leave! How can I beat that!?
When the battle to save your marriage seems stacked against you, it can be very discouraging. Here are some do’s and don’ts that can help you overcome the odds:
Don’t attack your spouse’s allies. “If I can just pry him away from those manipulative people!” Keep in mind, he sees “those” people as his allies. If you attack his friends and family he’ll be tempted to defend them. The more energy he uses to defend them, the more vested he becomes about their position.
Find common ground. If her shrink has >>READ MOREread more
When I work with a spouse fighting to save his or her marriage, I often ask, “What does your spouse find so intolerable that he/she would decide to walk away?” Simply put — what are the complaints? It’s vital to understand the answer to this question.
There are reasons a spouse decides to walk away. However, not all reasons are equal! Some carry more weight than others.
I don’t know what matters to your spouse, but I do believe that there are clues that can help you understand which complaints are most important.
In the literary world there is a device called a Red Herring. A Red Herring is a detail or remark inserted into a discussion, either intentionally or unintentionally, that sidetracks the >>READ MOREread more